I learned about meditation about 30 years ago when I picked up a book titled “The Miracle of Mindfulness” by a Vietnamese Buddhist monk named Thich Nhat Hanh. This booklet is a poem, really; it lays out a very simple life plan that starts with just paying attention to the breath, and expands to staying present and conscious in every activity of daily life. Hanh describes the menial act of washing dishes in such a way that makes one want to rush to the kitchen sink and give it a try.
Since I read “The Miracle,” I have delved extensively into meditation, even teaching several courses on the topic myself. These days, I at least hold the intention to meditate every day, though I must admit it doesn’t happen with regularity. I am well aware of the health benefits of meditation, and can put together a PowerPoint on a moment’s notice. However, it was not until this week that I made a connection that brought the REAL power of meditation to the forefront for me.
Are You Awake?
I discovered a device and iPhone app called Heartmath Innerbalance which centers something called “Heart Rate Variability,” or HRV. My very basic understanding of HRV is that it is a measurement of the variation of the gap between our heart’s pulsation. What is the significance of this measurement? In short, HRV reflects our state of relaxation. So this week, I have been using the Innerbalance device on my 30 minute drive to and from work. The Innerbalance device consists of a sensor that clips to one’s earlobe and a cable that connects to the iPhone. An iPhone app monitors HRV and uses an audible chime and a graphical display to show the user the level his/her HRV is in real time. A higher pitched chime and a green screen color are one’s goals, and the only requirement is to breath slowly and regularly.
So for the past three days, my usual drive to work, instead of being filled with fighting traffic and wandering thoughts about the day ahead and behind, has been about trying to breath. That’s it. Here is what I learned from the experiment:
Nope, I’m not.
It turns out that my HRV is a great indicator of whether I am actually in my body or I’m somewhere else in time and space.
I found that about 80% of the time, I was not actually inhabiting my body. My thoughts would wander to some mental conflict I was having about work, my son, my marriage. My mind was repeatedly putting a problem in front of me like a piñata and handing me a bat.
Now, I know that this is how a mind operates; I have lectured on the topic. But for the first time, I had a little bell letting me know each time my mind wandered. The little Inner Balance device, with about a 30 second delay, could tell that I was no longer paying attention to my breath. The screen would shift to red, and all I had to do was return attention to my breathing and I could turn it green within 2-3 breaths. But I noticing my breathing was just the start of it; as I refocused my attention on my breath in order to increase my HRV, I also found myself becoming aware of my surroundings on the drive to which I had been completely oblivious on the dozens of times I had taken the same path before.
Over the past few months, I have been living in a camper about twenty miles north of my workplace. The drive into town had become drudgery and routine. Usually, I saw the drive as taking me to all kinds of things I wanted to avoid. I left home with foreboding, and enjoyed stressful and unpleasant thoughts the entire time. But this morning, the early morning sun’s orange glow highlighted the horizon, and the planet Venus shone brightly in the western sky. The sky was not a color, it was ALL colors. How could I have missed this light show every day? I merged onto the fast moving interstate, and noticed for the first time that the large trucks and cars approaching me from behind magically made space for me. It was still mostly dark, and as I looked at the long line of cars in front of me, their tail-lights became part of a symphony of red dots on the barely visible road. I felt more like part of a swoon of leaves floating down a river than a combatant. “Somehow,” I thought, “we fly at each other down this road at 60-70 miles per hour with nothing but a strip of paint separating us, and most of us don’t end up dead.”
Again and again on my drive this morning, my mind took me away from HERE, and the Innerbalance chime gently nudged me to return. In fact, as I sit in my car in the parking lot writing this, I am being reminded to return to this moment. Pretty ironic that I have to get lost in my thoughts while writing about staying present?
The Takeaway
My little experiment taught me one main point: that I am asleep almost all of the time, and that it’s a great strategy to miss my own life. We frequently say, “Wow! How did the time pass so fast?!” Well, here’s how... moment by moment, we ignored it, gave it up, and fell asleep to it as we were led on countless virtual misadventures by our minds.
I had always craved the peace that meditation brought me. But this simple practice had a much more potent superpower... giving me my life back.
I have no financial interest in the Innerbalance device. In my opinion, it is a great way to start meditating. Eventually, you won't need it. With or without such a device, you will find meditation one of the most rewarding habits you can possibly develop.